It's now 12.50pm and I am sitting here in my dressing gown. I have 'Stop Making Sense' (Talking Heads) blasting away and right now I am in a state of 'bliss'. 'Spotify' is a great app.
This week I came across an article entitled 'After the treatment finishes - then what' by Dr Peter Harvey. It came along at just the time.
You see this week I realised I was crashing big time. It's been coming. Six months of cancer-work-chemo-work-chemo was finally catching up and something had to change.
In his article he speaks of recuperation, convalescence and rehabilitation and I realised from this article that I wasn't giving my body time to recuperate by just pushing on through and working from one chemo appointment to the next. As much as it was a necessity to keep enough leave up my sleeve, it was now taking its toll.
Another verse I came across this week - "You who have received so much love, show your love by protecting the sacredness of life". To me that made me sit up and think about all the love and kindness shown toward me (and Wayne). Why am I not meeting you guys half way at least. I have so many out there praying for me, being positive about my outcome and I suddenly felt like I have been letting you down by not looking after myself. I have been letting you do all the work while I "paid the bills".
Through an absolute act of kindness from my three typist work colleagues in Tauranga, they offered me a life line this week which has enabled me to take some time out now without worrying that I am going to run out of leave and then financially be in the crap which doesn't aid to healthy mind or body and to do some recuperation time.
You see there is no pressure right at this moment to do anything but 'BE'. I have no expectation of myself of getting out there and putting on that brave face. I can just sit here all day if I want and not even think about cancer. This is 'bliss' for a few hours.
This week was round 2 of the two week cycle. I now have two weeks off. I actually cut back on the after chemo anti nausea meds and feeling a lot better for it. By that I mean I halved the dosage. Steroids were only for one day this week. I still had the cravings - Florentine and chocolate milk shake. Yep, it's like being pregnant. I bounced off the walls on Wednesday, and then have slowed down from there. I have started knitting again, something for the premature babies in hospital, and thoroughly enjoying the click-click-click of the needles.
This week I came across an article entitled 'After the treatment finishes - then what' by Dr Peter Harvey. It came along at just the time.
You see this week I realised I was crashing big time. It's been coming. Six months of cancer-work-chemo-work-chemo was finally catching up and something had to change.
In his article he speaks of recuperation, convalescence and rehabilitation and I realised from this article that I wasn't giving my body time to recuperate by just pushing on through and working from one chemo appointment to the next. As much as it was a necessity to keep enough leave up my sleeve, it was now taking its toll.
Another verse I came across this week - "You who have received so much love, show your love by protecting the sacredness of life". To me that made me sit up and think about all the love and kindness shown toward me (and Wayne). Why am I not meeting you guys half way at least. I have so many out there praying for me, being positive about my outcome and I suddenly felt like I have been letting you down by not looking after myself. I have been letting you do all the work while I "paid the bills".
Through an absolute act of kindness from my three typist work colleagues in Tauranga, they offered me a life line this week which has enabled me to take some time out now without worrying that I am going to run out of leave and then financially be in the crap which doesn't aid to healthy mind or body and to do some recuperation time.
You see there is no pressure right at this moment to do anything but 'BE'. I have no expectation of myself of getting out there and putting on that brave face. I can just sit here all day if I want and not even think about cancer. This is 'bliss' for a few hours.
This week was round 2 of the two week cycle. I now have two weeks off. I actually cut back on the after chemo anti nausea meds and feeling a lot better for it. By that I mean I halved the dosage. Steroids were only for one day this week. I still had the cravings - Florentine and chocolate milk shake. Yep, it's like being pregnant. I bounced off the walls on Wednesday, and then have slowed down from there. I have started knitting again, something for the premature babies in hospital, and thoroughly enjoying the click-click-click of the needles.
So with another week to go on leave, I can start to rebuild for the next 4 chemos and then line up that mountainous 5 weeks in Hamilton. To say I'm not excited about a 5 week stay in a beautiful lodge, even though it has happy hour every night, is an understatement. Not sure how I am going to emotionally hold on without Wayne at my side. But I best not get too far ahead of myself and just 'BE' right now.
This week's thank you:
Dale, Sally and Jenny - your unselfish LSL contribution
Colleague made shepherd pie for dinner - yum
Friend- fish pie on chemo night - just what I needed
Coffee Plus Cafe - Florentine craving
Prayer warriors - continued diligence and steadfast in prayer
Blessings...
No comments:
Post a Comment