Birthday Week

22/08/2014

Wow, a week of no chemo...just bliss. And of course I had a birthday to celebrate too.

So lovely having Luke Welten home and to get the chance to listen to him speak from his heart (as well as throw snowballs at him). Greg, the woollen alpaca, arrived and is up to too much mischief. 

Missing our Christine Welten
 who is in the USA - lucky!!

This week:
- Feel like I accomplished something at work by putting in some good hours. 
- My hair is growing back super fast. 
- I have been having Epsom salt bath which has resulted in me having a better sleeping pattern and wondering if that is helping with detoxifying the chemo out of my body (I read somewhere it helps). When you lie in bed at night with your mind not stopping for a breather and all you want to do is switch off, achieving total body sleep is amazing.

The only down side for the last 10 days is a really sore mouth ulcer. Chemotherapy and radiation — alone or combined — can cause mouth sores. That's because these cancer treatments are intended to kill rapidly growing cells — such as cancer cells. Some healthy cells in your body also divide and grow rapidly, including the cells that line the inside of your mouth. Unfortunately these healthy cells are also damaged by chemotherapy and radiation. Damage to the cells in your mouth makes it difficult for your mouth to heal itself and to fend off germs, leading to sores and infections. I had to buy some baby's Bonjela but even that isn't really helping. Just have to bear it I guess.

With a week off chemo the 'other side' kicks in - the mental and emotional stuff. I realise with only two chemo treatments to go that I'm over this cancer experience and with that comes the realisation that so must all of you guys who read this blog. 

Marion

Marion from the Look Good Feel Better workshop passed away this week from cancer. It hits home when you have come together under trying circumstances and have instantly created a common bond. I would often chat to her at her work. She worked at Pak N Save and on her bucket list was a train ride. She never got to do that and that makes me sad.

I try, I really do try, to keep myself upbeat. When I head home at the end of the day I am so fortunate that I can just blob on the couch and either drift away with escapism on the TV, look at the beauty around me through the 365 Project I belong to, research more about breast cancer or go into that dark hole. 

There are nights I go into that dark hole and it's not a good place to be and no one can come with me. It's just me being self centred and looking at self preservation at how am I going to continue to conquer this unforgivable disease.

Then something awesome happens, like a surprise visit or a text or Facebook message arrives, or Wayne comes home with a chocolate sundae, and I realise that I am not alone unless I choose to be. There are times I want to reach out to you guys and then I withdraw. I don't want you to see my vulnerability.

So I have my hero - Wayne. How he does it day after day I don't know. One thing I have learnt is that he does a far better cleaning of the bathroom and toilet than I will ever do! He rubs my feet or strokes my pixie hair after a long day at his work, he let's me sleep for hours, he takes me on a date every Saturday, he makes black humour jokes and tells me he loves me daily. Not only does he tell me but he shows me. I am so blessed to have this man by my side.

So chemo on Thursday ...

Thanks this week to you all for my wonderful birthday wishes.

Snow fight after birthday celebration at the Bayview Chateau, NZ

Round 6

20/06/2014

It's now 12.50pm and I am sitting here in my dressing gown. I have 'Stop Making Sense' (Talking Heads) blasting away and right now I am in a state of 'bliss'. 'Spotify' is a great app.

This week I came across an article entitled 'After the treatment finishes - then what' by Dr Peter Harvey. It came along at just the time.

You see this week I realised I was crashing big time. It's been coming. Six months of cancer-work-chemo-work-chemo was finally catching up and something had to change.

In his article he speaks of recuperation, convalescence and rehabilitation and I realised from this article that I wasn't giving my body time to recuperate by just pushing on through and working from one chemo appointment to the next. As much as it was a necessity to keep enough leave up my sleeve, it was now taking its toll.

Another verse I came across this week - "You who have received so much love, show your love by protecting the sacredness of life". To me that made me sit up and think about all the love and kindness shown toward me (and Wayne). Why am I not meeting you guys half way at least. I have so many out there praying for me, being positive about my outcome and I suddenly felt like I have been letting you down by not looking after myself. I have been letting you do all the work while I "paid the bills".

Through an absolute act of kindness from my three typist work colleagues in Tauranga, they offered me a life line this week which has enabled me to take some time out now without worrying that I am going to run out of leave and then financially be in the crap which doesn't aid to healthy mind or body and to do some recuperation time.

You see there is no pressure right at this moment to do anything but 'BE'. I have no expectation of myself of getting out there and putting on that brave face. I can just sit here all day if I want and not even think about cancer. This is 'bliss' for a few hours.

This week was round 2 of the two week cycle. I now have two weeks off. I actually cut back on the after chemo anti nausea meds and feeling a lot better for it. By that I mean I halved the dosage. Steroids were only for one day this week. I still had the cravings - Florentine and chocolate milk shake. Yep, it's like being pregnant. I bounced off the walls on Wednesday, and then have slowed down from there. I have started knitting again, something for the premature babies in hospital, and thoroughly enjoying the click-click-click of the needles.

So with another week to go on leave, I can start to rebuild for the next 4 chemos and then line up that mountainous 5 weeks in Hamilton. To say I'm not excited about a 5 week stay in a beautiful lodge, even though it has happy hour every night, is an understatement. Not sure how I am going to emotionally hold on without Wayne at my side. But I best not get too far ahead of myself and just 'BE' right now.

This week's thank you:

Dale, Sally and Jenny - your unselfish LSL contribution
Colleague made shepherd pie for dinner - yum
Friend- fish pie on chemo night - just what I needed
Coffee Plus Cafe - Florentine craving
Prayer warriors - continued diligence and steadfast in prayer

Blessings...