Bone Scan

08/06/2015

Today I had a bone scan using Nuclear Medicine at Waikato Hospital. In scans using nuclear medicine, you’re injected with a radioactive substance. This collects in certain parts of your body – for example, cancerous cells or your bones.  Once I had the injection, I was sent away for 3 hours.  I could eat, drink, drive, whatever in that time.  It didn't affect me.

The radioactive substance releases gamma rays. A special ‘gamma camera’ can take a picture of the gamma rays. This lets the doctor see where the radiation is in your body. So if you’re having a scan for cancer, the doctor can see where the cancerous cells are.  Sometimes doctors may use nuclear medicine and x-rays together. This gives them a picture of your body’s structure overlaid with the gamma ray image.

On return I had a full body scan, a scan of the chest area and a scan of the lower back.  This took about an hour and a half.  Results will be a week away as the specialist is away for a week.

Wayne and Luke came with me which was a great comfort.  We also got to call in on Mum who is looking so much better which was a relief to see.

So, did I get a feel for what the results might be? Yes and no, but I'm not going to second guess.  If all clear, that box is ticked; if an issue, then I will carry on fighting the disease the best I can. What will be, will be...

Mental Fatigue

06/06/2015

On Monday I go for a bone scan.  I have a few aches and pains they want to check out.  This is an early scan as I wasn't due till July so in some ways it's good, and in other ways it's scary.  But then I think I can tick the box if it all comes back clear.  Hormone meds play havoc with your body and side effects can be aches and pains so I'm guessing this is what is happening and I'm not expecting any surprises.

I have been very fortunate to be seeing a trauma psychologist through work.  It's something we are encouraged to do.  After the recent homicide, I found it was playing on my mind so it was good to go and "talk the talk".

Of course, what I didn't realise was all this other "stuff" that is going on.  

My mum has been really sick and as a family, we are struggling to see this amazing 87 year old suddenly be her age in just a matter of weeks. Mum has had amazing support from my sister and her husband.  It is a true blessing that they are there.  I hate to think of all those lonely people out there ailing who don't have a family to support them.

And then there's the cancer cloud hanging over my head.  When I'm at work I'm fine. I can get engrossed in my work, and laugh and work hard to support my crew.  But when I walk away, I sense a dark spiral sucking me in.  Anti depressants are great because they don't let me hit the bottom of the pit, but they also take off the euphoria high.  I really don't think I could function without them at this time, they're  just keeping me in the game.

And of course the discussion about assisted dying has been in the news and that sets one thinking as well, and what I would do in the same situation.

I am still struggling to show my vulnerability.  I am now hiding it from Wayne. I don't want to bother him.  He is so happy in his job and his music, I hesitate to share and yet he is the true one who "gets it".

Having Luke and Christine around is awesome.  I worry for them that they will get jobs and be happy here.  They push my buttons at times, trying to get me to open up.  They are so brave and compassionate towards me in encouraging me to let the mask down.

Great to see my other cancer buddies are doing so well.  Some big achievements all round.  Awesome work you ladies, you know who you are.

So the mental game is still being played out.  This, to me, is harder than what I went through last year, or do I have short memory.