Round 7

13/07/2014

Tuesday arrived and what a foggy ride over. We arrived at the chemo unit for our 9.30 appointment. There are 12 chairs which get filled up pretty quick from 9.30 onwards. The seeing eye dog Alvin, black Labrador, arrived with his owner. Alvin is always a great distraction.

When I arrive each time I am given a clipboard with a list of symptoms I have experienced since the last chemo like nausea, dizziness, constipation, ulcers, depression, etc. I manage to only tick a couple because my run has been pretty smooth. The sex issue (last blog) was discussed and apparently because we are so open and honest, they are going to do some more research on what we experienced! Goodness, mind boggles!

I did mention to Rachel that I had had pains along the centre breastbone and was breathless. It was decided that it could be my portacath so a surgeon was called up to check out. A lovely young woman arrived. Wayne expressed his 'concern' that she didn't look old enough. She promptly told him she started studying at aged 19, studying for six years, had a baby and was now 27. 

Anyway she had a look, decided she needed to talk to a senior and came back with the decision that the portacath had moved. It should be shaped like a volcano and mine was like a flat coin, so she would try and manipulate it. She did so successfully and so we were only held up by half an hour. The process went quickly as we were having so much laughter and antics between the nurses and Wayne that it just sped by. 

Wayne decided he was going to take my to Wendy's for lunch as I has never been. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special...

Home to bed for two days then back to work one day on a high and then collapse again Friday. Chemo sure has its way of not knowing which way is up sometimes. The bed and couch have been my constant for the last few days, and let's not forget Hugo's feline company.

This chemo to date I am experiencing dizziness (the world spins like I have never experienced. It doesn't spin once or twice, more like six times), breathlessness and ovary pain. Not sure why the ovary pain but if chemo brings on early menopause, could be related. Feeling the weight going on (3kg so far) but not surprising when Chocolate milk has been the craving this week (SOS to Wayne to bring some home at 10pm).

I'm feeling a bit morose and sad - why, when I only have 3 - yes 3, people - to go. I guess it is just the hormones going crazy again. This week's chemo is coming around so quick and then it will be 2! I'm nearly there.

I have started looking at the radiation aspect coming up about 8th September and decisions to make. My surgeon does not want me to have radiation to my under arm where the lymph nodes have been taken as I will 100% end up with lymphedema.

Lymphedema is caused by a blockage in your lymphatic system, an important part of your immune and circulatory systems. The blockage prevents lymph fluid from draining well, and as the fluid builds up, the swelling continues. Lymphedema is most commonly caused by the removal of or damage to your lymph nodes as a part of cancer treatment. There's no cure for lymphedema, but it can be controlled. Controlling lymphedema involves diligent care of your affected limb.

The surgeon has written to the radiation unit expressing he has got all the cancer out from that area. I'm assuming they are still going to want to press on and radiate anyway. And if he has got all the cancer out I ask, why radiate the location where t

he cancer lump was when he got all the margins there too. Anyway, another bridge to cross but it is playing on my mind.

I am getting a nice little carpet of hair appearing. Still undecided what colour it is going to come back as.

Easy Week

05/07/2014

For the first time since I started chemo in March I actually felt normal for a few days this week. My mind was clear, I had energy, I felt positive and strong. I headed back to work with great gusto and enthusiasm. Just goes to show that down time is necessary and to stop being so stoic. So when I woke yesterday and felt blah I did what my body asked, and I rested and slept until 2pm. I am amazed at how much I can sleep. A bit of excitement when I look in the mirror too. I actually think my hair is starting to grow back. It is soft and fluffy like duck down.

I attended a women's development day on Tuesday along with my colleagues. One of the facilitators asked "what is your 5 year plan". She presented us with a work/personal plan to complete while we were there. 

My mind went into emotional overload. I held it together but it hit home (again) that stats say I have 60% survival rate over the next five years. So when I was presented with this plan to complete, all I could think was I just have to hope my body survives all the carcinogenic medicine they have put into me and the five years of medication of oestrogen blockers do their thing and don't go looking for cancer cells. 

My wish is to be here in five years and have quality of life. I don't know how to plan for that though. I just have to believe it and take care of myself.

One of my chemo buddies has completed her treatment. It is cause for a celebration. Now me and my other chemo buddy just have to finish ours.

So back on the chemo process on Tuesday (round 7). The end is getting closer...yippee.

365 Project

04/07/2014

So I made it! Every day for 365 days I uploaded a photo. What an absolute joy it has been.

When I started back in July 2013 I panicked, probably for the first two months, worrying about being technically correct and the old 'I'm not good enough'. Then, after someone told me it is "my project, my rules", I relaxed. I started to write a narrative with my photo to explain what I was trying to represent in case my photo didn't portray what I saw. It has become my story and I am so proud to share it with you and that you want to view/comment.

I love looking at your photos. The artistic talent and the narratives are humbling, exciting, beautiful, surreal, hilarious and pure escapism. I can be across the other side of the world in a moment. I embrace the time when I get on line and check what you have snapped today. I generally lie on the couch, iPad on my lap, if Hugo hasn't got there first, and away I go.

In my first six months I followed friends and friends started following me. Soon we were not commenting just about photos but other parts of our daily lives. The highlight would be actually meeting a "live 365er" - @happypat - when she came to New Zealand. Pat was just like her project - full of love, life and laughter - and an hour just wasn't long enough.

I certainly didn't foresee the last six months turning into a medical diary. Cancer certainly came from left field. But from this relationships have expanded. My 365 friends have mentioned and/or dedicated photos to me in their uploads, prayed for me, wished me well, sent positive thoughts, emailed me, and sent cards and gifts to help me battle this road. Taking a photo a day has helped me heal and be grateful for the beauty and life around me. I certainly recommend this therapy being good for the soul.

I must admit to involving Wayne on a couple of occasions, when I was hospitalised or dopey, with strict instructions on how to upload and he has taken photos of me as well at medical appointments. He asks me every night "What's your photo tonight", "Who's commented today". He thoroughly supports my project.

I am going to carry on for sure. In fact, I am going 'ACE'. I will carry on with my trusted iPad and apps, and keep telling my story and eagerly watching and reading yours.

Thank you, thank you, thank you my talented, kind, compassionate, caring community of 365. You give me hope that there will be a tomorrow, we will capture that special moment and we will share our delights around the world.

Sample of my favourites over the year