01/08/2014
Today I feel 'alive' for the first time in six months since diagnosis. I now have confirmation that my cancer is not there today, that the chemo is working, that is hasn't spread anywhere else and that we are on the right track. Whoever would think chemo would be my friend (the Hemsley family told me that and now I understand). It may knock me sideways, up and down, but today after nearly three weeks off chemo, I feel alive! So there is always a positive somewhere amongst the crap.
I start chemo again on Thursday with two to go, possibly three if we count the one they cancelled while the investigation went on.
The oncologist apologised for causing me concern when there was nothing there, but I was wrapped to get the scans and confirmation all is well. Wayne said it was his best birthday present ever - and he meant it! So love that man...❤️
Surprisingly to me, radiation treatment now doesn't seem so daunting. I don't know why, it is just sitting more comfortably with me. We have a visit with the surgeon, Mr Truter, on Monday. Will be interesting to see if he got an answer to the letter he wrote to Radiology about not doing radiation to my lymph nodes as he said I would end up with lymphodema in the left arm. He reckons he got it all and when you have scans that say you are clear, well, it sets you thinking. Watch this space.
So today in Taupo it is a stunning winter's day: blue skies, from the kitchen window I can see the snow on top of the Kaimanawas glistening back at me, the lake is calm, no wind...wow!
It is so peaceful. I just wish we could bring peace to other parts of the world and they could experience peace and calm and see how much better peace is than fighting each other.
This week pray and/or send positivity for the children who are suffering in war zones across the world. The 6 o'clock world has shown some pretty horrific sights this week and being a mother, I can't imagine what they are going through trying to protect their babies.
26/07/2014
My chemo was cancelled this week due to some odd symptoms arising, therefore an appointment with the oncologist consultant was arranged.
Off to Hamilton today for that consult with Dr Kennedy who we haven't met before. The waiting room is still like a bus station. From all four corners come consultants who call out a name. You have to be vigilant because you don't know where you are being called from.
Dr Kennedy was lovely. He brought up my notes, explained what he knew about my case, asked me my symptoms, examined me and then lay out the plan for next week.
We identified that my neuropathy in my feet/legs has got worse since the change of chemo concoction.
Re the symptoms I explained to him, he said if I went to my GP with my symptoms, the GP would say I had inner ear vertigo, inflamed bowel (not ovary that I thought the pain was), and pulled chest muscle.
Because I had lymph nodes that were cancerous (13 of 29), my symptoms are a 'red flag', so he needs to eliminate brain cancer (vertigo), bowel cancer (inflamed bowel) and chest bone cancer (pulled chest muscle).
As he explained all this, he drew his chair in very close...hello, this is serious I thought. He then said to Wayne "No more black humour for this lady, Wayne, no more". Gulp! I said "Are you serious, that's how I get through". "No, no more, we need to look after you", he then grabbed my hand in his two hands and wouldn't let go. Okay, this needs to be taken seriously I think he is trying to tell me. Stop this flippancy.
So today in Hamilton I did bloods to check for "any embers burning" (his words), and then next week have CT scan and MRI in Rotorua.
The positive from the scans is that one way or another I will find out if the chemo is working at least.
If it comes back finding something, then we will deal with it from there. I admit I am in denial right now (like when I first got diagnosed), but do feel better prepared and educated if the scans are sinister. I know the waiting game now is just that. Enjoy the moment while we wait.
So I am appreciative of Dr Kennedy not poo-pooing me, I get time off chemo for a while and I will find out if chemo is working sooner rather than later.
All part of the process...hop on board, we are off on another ride.
