Sex and Cancer

08/12/2014

Big thank you to Tania for plying me with wine after a visit to GP today to talk about sex.  It's one of those taboo subjects that doesn't get talked about when going through cancer.  Now I am out the other side we thought yay, it's all go.  But unfortunately not.  So if you don't want to know, stop reading now.  You know I am all about education so here goes...

The hormone pill I am on thins the vagina wall which makes for painful sex.  I can change to another hormone pill that thickens the lining of the uterus but can cause cancer. I can also have an estrogen cream which may help but has to be limited to six weeks as we don't want this to produce estrogen and feed any cancer.  The GP asked me is sex important to us, if so, then it is quality of life I am looking at.  He rang my oncologist and the above is what they could come up with.  If this doesn't help then where to from here.  So cancer is teaching me something else now and throwing me off centre.  You think when you have breast cancer it's all about the boobs, but alas no.

I came home to Wayne and the darling just said we will learn about different intimacy and loving.  Gotta love this guy.  He is being very patient.  When I was undergoing chemo they gave a suggestion not to have sex for three days after treatment.  We waited five days and still Wayne got chemo burns/welts in and on his private parts so something to consider...

So another lesson today...Do I want to die for sex...I don't think so!  

Friends in Trouble

06/10/2014

Since I left home yesterday the last thing Wayne said to me was "Remember, you are having this treatment to give you life".

As I sat in the radiation waiting room - this was my view...stark, non inviting (though who would want to be invited) and sterile.  The only peep of colour is as shown.

And here is where they are hopefully giving my life back.

Today I got two phone calls: one from a colleague with a husband and three wee children, the other from a close friend (I am second mother to her daughter and she cared for Luke while I worked).  They have both been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I am absolutely gutted for them both.  Cancer is just so random.  These are two people who watch what they eat, fit, healthy, good people...

One is waiting for chemo before the op, the other final biopsy of lymph nodes.

If anything constructive has come out of my diagnosis and blogs, it is these two women being open to communication and reading just one person's journey, that they have become aware of their own bodies and what it is doing.  Hopefully they will have a good outcome.

I can see that I am going to be needed for a bit longer yet in some capacity or another in helping these two on their journey.

On a brighter note, am at the Cancer lodge and having a laugh.  We are all in the same boat so we can talk about what ails is quite openly and frankly.  Highly entertaining so far.

Yellow Machine

02/10/2014

 Wayne came into the treatment room today and got an explanation of how they are administering the radiation.   
Got to take a pic of the mean machine!  

Like something out of sci-fi movie. It whizzes around me into 

position and then red and green light beams criss-cross me.

I get to try out goggles tomorrow to help me see what the 

radiographers see when I take a deep breath and hold so I'm 

not guessing each time what the line is I have to reach to 

hold. 

A new thing and I am the lucky guinea pig.

Medical team are lovely once again. I have three working on

 me with mathematical precision. It is all a science way 

beyond me.

Stage 3 Begins

26/09/2014

I felt rather sad today to be leaving my workplace for the next five weeks, embarking on stage 3 of the four part cancer process.  This time I will be flying solo, so to speak.  

I love my job and the people I work with, so to say goodbye was quite hard and a bit weird.  I didn't think I would feel like that.  I guess if I was going on an overseas holiday, it would all be exciting and adventurous and everyone would be excited for me.  Can't say this derives the same feeling.  I should turn it all into a positive and look at this stage as another part of the cure from cancer and the adventure in it will be meeting new people at the Cancer Lodge - will have to work on that thought!

During chemo I had the constant support of Wayne and my colleagues when I got to work.  They would send me home if I looked too worse for wear or bolster me up with humour and compassion.  So going to miss that, but I'm guessing that's where the community spirit of the lodge comes in again.

Thanks for the hugs, workmates, before I left!  Really appreciate them.

So from next week I foresee I have to rely on myself and lean on God that much more. 

I am nervous, I have to admit, just as I was with chemo.  Once I got started on chemo though I then knew roughly what to expect each time.  I'm hoping radiation goes as smoothly as chemo did for me, and that I am going to be able to still work each day from the station in Hamilton.  Time will tell how much tiredness has a part to play.

So tomorrow we go to Waikato Hospital for more planning - make sure the beams line up - and then treatment on Wednesday.

Hazel, Greg (the alpaca), Wayne and I are looking forward to a few days in the 'Tron.

Check out this beautiful blossom from outside my house today.  Just had to share it with you.

Will keep you posted on stage 3...

Radiation Consult

22/09/2014

And stage 3 starts.  I got home to a phone call to have a bone density scan on Friday in Rotorua.  This goes hand in hand with the 5 years hormone meds to make sure my bones aren't going to go brittle on me.

Then the radiation consultant rings.  I have been waiting for the phone call to check on what the radiation plan is.  So here goes:

1.  Decision made is that it is acceptable not to radiate the lymph node area under my arm after consultation with another radiation consultant and surgeon.  Happy with this as increased risk of lymphedema if this area was radiated.

2.  I will be radiated around the clavicle area as if any cancer cells have travelled they could be hiding there.  My arm will get some radiation but no evidence that it will cause lymphedema. 

3.  My heart moves over far enough for them when I hold my breath to radiate my breast cancer area, but the heart will still get an amount

of radiation.  Not what the medical team would like but acceptable.

4.  The lymph nodes around my breast bone/sternum area will be radiated as cancer  cells could be hiding there.  

5.  He said we get one shot at this.  If we don't get it under control now it will be harder to stop.

6.  Still my decision to go ahead with their plan.  I said I don't have the courage not to go ahead with it.

Round 9

01/08/2014

Monday was a catch-up appointment with the surgeon. This was the first appointment Wayne didn't come to as the battery was flat on the van. He has done so well being there at every one so far.

Mr Truter is more than happy with how I'm going, thrilled the scans were clear. He is still adamant that he doesn't want my lymph nodes radiated and insists I get Radiology to ring him about they start.

I went to see a Cancer Counsellor on Wednesday. I had actually booked six weeks ago, which was when I thought I needed another perspective on things and now six weeks later I have it sorted in my head, but the appointment came up so I went anyway.

It all sounds so clear and simple when you start talking to a stranger. They don't know your story so I found myself expressing myself in a way I possibly wouldn't with friends and family (though re-reading my Facebook blogs, you guys do get it both barrels. There's not a lot I hold back.) What I do hold back I probably do for fear some may think I am being silly, fatalistic or in denial, or too religious. So it was useful to go along and get some stuff off my chest. I don't think I changed my view on much, just realised how far I have come and hoping this experience does change me for the better, that I don't forget what it is/has taught me and that I am more empathetic and compassionate and encouraging to others.

So Round 9 arrived on 31/07/2014. As an upshot of missing Round 8, due to holding off while more tests were done, once they were confirmed all clear, we started up chemo again this week. I think I have one more to go next week, but if oncologist says he wants another one for round 8 that I missed, well so be it. I am going to find out early next week though because I would want to celebrate on the right day. How I will celebrate I'm not sure - a big yahoooooo might have to do for a few days until body catches up with mind. But no doubt you will hear the yahoooooo at your house.

I wasn't in the 'naughty corner' this time so that was a good start. They were taking a long time to start the process so Wayne went and checked if I had been 'bad' again. No problems they said. So Wayne went off to the music shop while I waited and waited. 

Three-quarters of an hour later I asked what the hold up was, oh just waiting for email from your oncologist to say go ahead. Dah - you guys rang me to set the appointment because he said go ahead. Oh, okay then...and away we went.

Pre-meds had me nicely wasted in no time. I had the flush, two syringes, another flush, then the Pinot Gris chemo. Wayne returned and we noted I had 37 minutes to go of the hour long Pinot Gris process, only to have the nurse come check the machine and find I wasn't having any chemo pumped into me! Either the machine malfunctioned or it wasn't set up right...so we had to start again.

Bugger this, I thought, I need a pie! So Wayne delivered accordingly. What Andrea wants she gets at this point. So here I am sitting have chemo eating a pie. And it was delicious. 

We finally got out at 1.30 instead of 11.30.

Sleep had me in its arms on the ride home and straight to bed. Wayne had a gig but he kindly came home and checked on me between a break to make sure I was okay. How sweet is that. And sleep kept me busy most of today too.

Thank you this week to:
My angel - completing Dry July and raising over $800 for cancer research
Cousin shouted dinner out at Thai before she heads abroad and early birthday dinner
My clever friend who gave me a beautiful Kelly Rae Roberts book called "This Little Light of Mine" in my letterbox when I got home from chemo - so kind 
Prayer warriors - front and centre again !

Blessings...