Round 12 - We're done

21/09/2014

So it is now over a week since I finished chemo(04/09/2014).  On the day of my 12th treatment I was quite emotional - firstly, because it was the last one; secondly that I came through it relatively unscathed compared to others, and thirdly, I was saying goodbye to my 'safety net'.   

It was another rowdy session on the last day (04/09/14) with Wayne playing guitar and a sing-song ensued.  Elaine, the head nurse, gave me a hug when I finished and wouldn't let me go, you know, one of those special hugs you get from time to time.  That made me cry more.  We left with an almighty sigh.  So the next few days were resting.

Strange things go on though because you know you have finished, you think, right, let's get on with life again.  Only to come to a full-stop as the body goes whoa, hold on a minute, you only had chemo four days ago. Give the body its rest it needs.  So some adapting of the mind and re-focusing is in order to slowly get I to the 'new' normal.

Wednesday we headed up to Hamilton for radiation appointment.  All along my surgeon has not wanted my lymph nodes under my arm radiated as he believes he took enough margins and I was definitely going to get lymphedema of the left arm if I did.  Radiation experts have said no, that I should have it done, with 30-60% likelihood of lymphedema. So that was talked about at some length.  

Then I had planning scans.  Talk about tools of the trade. I felt like I was on a building site as they measured my body against the bed from every angle so when I get radiated they have me in exactly the same position each session.

Due to where the lump was in my breast, it is very close to my heart, so I had to have a block put on my chest (not sure why) and then breathe in and hold for 20 seconds to see if my heart moved over enough to not be affected by radiation beam.  Now they compare my normal breathing and held breath scans to come up with a plan for me in about 10 days time.

The good thing though is that the radiation consultant phoned me the next day and said he had spoken to another surgeon and they believed my request not to radiate under my arm is reasonable so looks like we are in the clear there.  Will just do my left breast and clavicle area.

We popped into the cancer lodge which will be home for five weeks (except weekends) - wow, very flash and 5*.  The staff and volunteers were lovely, though I did find it hard seeing sick people around me and said to Wayne I will need to escape.  No disrespect to the patients, just found it confronting en masse.

Friday we had oncologist appointment in Rotorua.  Another different consultant.  Have never had the same consultant twice yet!  

He then explained the next step is hormone treatment for the next five years to block the oestrogen receptors that go looking for cancer cells.  He explained that scans can pick up to a 1mm size cell but sitting inside that cell can be one million cancer cells.  So from the scans that were taken they cannot detect any cancer cells up to the 1mm.  My portacath will stay in for a year (just in case) and that will need to be flushed every four weeks.  After radiation I get handed back to my surgeon who will monitor me for the next so many years with mammograms and if I notice any aches pains that need further exploring.  Also oncologist is going to watch me for next year.  They said that if it comes back it will be sooner rather than later.  Who knows really...

So now I have a few weeks off, oh no wait, another radiologist appointment for planning by phone or Hamilton visit and a bone density scan.  Appointments just keep coming.

So I made it through chemo, folks, with your help with laughter, phone calls, texts, Facebook comments/likes, surprise gifts, food - all of these things helped Wayne and I get through.  You guys stayed with me for the long haul and I can imagine it has been a long six months of seeing me post all and sundry.

It has been hard, can't deny that, but I have had it easy compared to others.  I am proud that I managed to hang in there, still work 90% of the time, still put on a smile and just let it all out on this blog.  Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.  Some were too hard to read I know and some people felt I shouldn't be telling everyone everything.  Well I have learnt I had  to do what worked for me to get me through this, and writing and photographing my experience has been instrumental in this.

Of course my wingman Wayne has been unbelievable.  I can't thank him enough but he knows that.  We have had lots of laughter and tears along the way together and it has only brought us closer together.  And of course Luke and Christine's prayers and love from afar have also contributed too.  Luke said today he was so proud of me for all I have gone through.  Love my son so much.

So after all this we decided we needed some fun.  Being from a Mini crazy family, we talked about when/if I died, Wayne would get a Mini and a Gibson guitar.  Fair enough, but this week I decided I want to enjoy a Mini too and while I was alive!  I can now say I have ticked that off my bucket list.  We now (with the bank) own Hazel.  Who would have thought a week ago I would be driving a Mini Cooper.  Kirsty gave me a model Mini for finishing chemo and said visualise and you will get it one day and Voila!

So 1st October I head to Hamilton to commence radiation treatment.  All the more fun now of course driving Mini Hazel to and fro.

Congratulations to my cancer buddies Tania and Joan who have completed their chemo rounds too.

Thinking of those who are watching their loved ones go through this too.

Blessings Facebook Friends - love you guys and THANK YOU

Round 10

13/08/2014

No news is good news so they say, and that's pretty much what I deliver today! 

Round 10 chemo last week was "same old-same old". No new surprises or anything to write about...oh, no, hold on, maybe when they forgot to switch the clamp off after the 1st flush, and the flush and the chemo bag pumped into me together. Don't know if that means I have had a watered down version of chemo...I didn't ask. Still having same side effects so don't think so. 

The chemo unit was all go. Honestly, there was a queue for the chairs and only two nurses. People lined up and waiting. Can be a bit daunting at times. Observed a man who was in the chemo unit from opening time to closing time and then was ushered upstairs to ED to finish the treatment...there weren't enough hours in the day at the unit, and he had to do that for 5 days. Our heart goes out to him and the road he's on. My experience is a doddle compared to his.

So we are on the home stretch for chemo. Have two to go 28/8 and 4/9.

Trying to coordinate the next step for oncology and pre-radiation appointments is proving difficult. For some reason, and after speaking to four different people and going between departments, we still can't coordinate an appointment on one day in Hamilton. It's a work in progress. One thing you learn on this trip is patience and perseverance and keep talking to people so they don't forget you.

I guess I really should learn to curtail what I share with my work colleagues. Standing around the water cooler yesterday, I expressed the excitement of a decent bowel motion and what it meant to me to my male colleague. He was very kind and made the appropriate comment...oh I love cop humour and that they put up with my verbal diarrhea. This is how I handle my experience, by letting it all out and writing about it. Wait till I start doing video downloads on YouTube...only kidding!

Right now my life is quite structured around work, rest and sleep. I am not one for answering the phone now, it is all too much energy to give out after a day's work. My weekly highlight is looking forward to my lunch dates with Wayne on a Saturday; other than that, life is pretty quiet and I like it like that. I realise I can't cope with too much physically. I'm hoping that 5 week 'boot camp' (radiation) in Hamilton will get me out walking and building up. I get so breathless just walking around town. 

Never ever thought this is what I would be experiencing when turning 55. Maybe one day I will see this cancer experience as a turning point in my own personal growth and use it to be able to give more out to others. I hope so.

Thanks this week:

A lovely gift from England from three special children and their mum, who I have never met but heard what I was going through and wanted to send me something practical - a homemade tea mug and English Breakfast tea. How special is that.

Bon voyage Lynn - safe travels beautiful cuz

And yay...Luke is coming home for the weekend!

A Bend in the Road

26/07/2014

My chemo was cancelled this week due to some odd symptoms arising, therefore an appointment with the oncologist consultant was arranged. 

Off to Hamilton today for that consult with Dr Kennedy who we haven't met before. The waiting room is still like a bus station. From all four corners come consultants who call out a name. You have to be vigilant because you don't know where you are being called from.

Dr Kennedy was lovely. He brought up my notes, explained what he knew about my case, asked me my symptoms, examined me and then lay out the plan for next week.

We identified that my neuropathy in my feet/legs has got worse since the change of chemo concoction.

Re the symptoms I explained to him, he said if I went to my GP with my symptoms, the GP would say I had inner ear vertigo, inflamed bowel (not ovary that I thought the pain was), and pulled chest muscle.

Because I had lymph nodes that were cancerous (13 of 29), my symptoms are a 'red flag', so he needs to eliminate brain cancer (vertigo), bowel cancer (inflamed bowel) and chest bone cancer (pulled chest muscle). 

As he explained all this, he drew his chair in very close...hello, this is serious I thought. He then said to Wayne "No more black humour for this lady, Wayne, no more". Gulp! I said "Are you serious, that's how I get through". "No, no more, we need to look after you", he then grabbed my hand in his two hands and wouldn't let go. Okay, this needs to be taken seriously I think he is trying to tell me. Stop this flippancy.

So today in Hamilton I did bloods to check for "any embers burning" (his words), and then next week have CT scan and MRI in Rotorua.

The positive from the scans is that one way or another I will find out if the chemo is working at least.

If it comes back finding something, then we will deal with it from there. I admit I am in denial right now (like when I first got diagnosed), but do feel better prepared and educated if the scans are sinister. I know the waiting game now is just that. Enjoy the moment while we wait.

So I am appreciative of Dr Kennedy not poo-pooing me, I get time off chemo for a while and I will find out if chemo is working sooner rather than later.

All part of the process...hop on board, we are off on another ride.